Following the shifting visions of solitary (yet oh-so-connected) seven, you may find yourself ever so slightly dissatisfied with life as you’ve known it. Perhaps you’d been sidetracked by this-and-that. Ego gratification comes in many forms: material pursuits, spiritual superiority, super-mom status, activist warrior, confidant-supreme, healer-ific, A++ student, and on and on. We get so caught up in our pursuits, even when they are good for us and others, that we forget where we started. Devotion. It is in the whirling pools of life that we must return our focus to that ineffable constant by which we keep our bearings. It is the lodestone and the guilding Star that reminds us why we stepped onto this path in the first place. We are, you may recall, devoted to Love. And so, here as we sit at the doorway of 8’s infinity, we (re)commit to our original purpose. And as we do, that purpose, like watery things, shifts to fill the new vessel we’ve become.
It is now we claim our power, which is 8s domain, by surrendering everything we’ve worked so hard to Accumulate or Accomplish or Achieve. All those A’s swallow their own tail, sublimated into the greater purpose. And how do we show our commitment to this greater purpose? Release and Trust. At 8, we have the option to step into infinity. This doorway opens when we lay down our power to that which is Bigger than us. This may be G-d, Mother, the eternal Atom, or the pulse of life. When we diligently (and this can be difficult) surrender the totality of our power to that Biggness, we get Bigger.
This can be sad. Many of the things we thought we desired no longer make our hearts sing. The things we thought would make us happy are not satisfying. The soul-mates that surround us are not enough to distract. Sometimes this can feel like depression, ennui, even suicidal tendencies. When we step into this place, it is time to go into the dark feelings, surgically remove them, and hand them over to the Biggness. It is time to take all of our achievements and failures, pride and regrets, and turn them over to the Holy.
Step inside yourself. Feel anywhere there is pain, physical or otherwise. Settle your breath into that pain. As you do, allow it to have a voice. It may be a voice you know or perhaps one you’ve never experienced before. Do not force it, but allow it to speak. It may tell you a bit of its story. It may ask you to write or tell its story. “I have a pain in my left ovary” says a woman, “It is the story of the children that were born thousands of years ago and who still hold space in my body now.” “I have a pain in my shoulder”, says Atlas. “It is the story of the worlds I’ve carried on my back.” Your body is a narrative, a world woven together by stories.
Do the same thing for emotional pains, fears, guilt, regrets. Find them in your body and let them tell their story. Your life is a narrative, worlds woven together by stories.
Now, following the thread of the stories, take a deep breath or ten. Then pray, in whichever way you wish, for them to be removed. Say: “I release.” And as you release, you really must release (feel them leaving your body, see your pain as a mist evaporating, or as a sound whooshing away).
Finally, say: “I trust.” And as you do, give them to the Biggness. Surrender them to the Holy. It is ego and pride to hold onto our fears, pain, distress. They make us heavier, earthbound, like ghosts harboring unfinished business in a here and now that cannot finish it.
Now, do the same thing with your pride, accomplishments, and possessions. Remove them from your inner spaces, saying: “I release. I trust.” This is harder sometimes, isn’t it? Yet when we surender, we surrender all. This is true trust. This is the cycle of Breath.
As you commit to Infinity, knowingly and wisely surrender all that’s gone before. The good, the bad, the sad, the beautiful. It is time to relinquish it all. As you do, keep your eyes on Love. Allow yourself to feel the sorrow of dreams that no longer live in you, passions no longer driven. And as you do, release, no longer weighed down by the baggage of inner expectation, step into a place of Trust.